The cold, dreary weather the last few days mimicks my mood perfectly. It has been a rough few weeks, and there have been moments where if I had the ability to just roll up in a ball and die I might have considered it. Ok...not really, but I have felt at the end of my rope a lot lately.
When I made the decision to stay at home with my children, I knew it was the best choice I could make. After all, when I only had one child I was paying half of my paycheck to the babysitter. So if I'd kept working, I wouldn't have had a paycheck anyway.
But now, times are hard and getting harder all the time. And I am feeling REALLY guilty. I know it's not logical to feel this bad about it, since really me working or not we'd still be in the same boat. And I have been racking my brain trying to think of a way to solve our money troubles, but to no avail.
Taking in other kids to babysit has helped a little, but it never seems to be enough. Now I'm faced with the worst option, the one I really didn't want to consider: either my husband is going to have to find a second job, or I'm going to have to find a job in the evenings after he gets home from work. I really don't want to do this. I'm already exhausted from being home with the kids all day and never really getting a break. But I can't just stand by and watch everything we've worked for get taken away.
So, at least there's the fact that it's coming in to the holiday season and I have retail experience. It shouldn't be too terrible to find a job, but I'm certainly not looking forward to how stressful this is going to be :(
Maybe it won't be so bad--I'll have new things to stress over, but at least I won't have to hold my breath every time I get a bill in the mail.
I hate money.