Happy Birthday, Little One

Two years ago on this day, I was a bundle of nerves and anticipation. I knew exactly what day you were coming, and I knew what time. Somehow, all that knowledge made me even more nervous than the first time around. Maybe because I knew what to expect. Or at least, I thought I knew.

Just like with your big brother, I had a c-section. This one, though, was planned, unlike the scary emergency one when he was born. In some ways, this made it more frightening; I didn't have my adrenaline pumping already when it was time to enter the operating room. I kept holding on to an image of me holding my new baby--my little Jacob--to keep myself from crying. I couldn't wait for you to be here. My excitement to meet you was laced with anxiety over needles and scalpels and masks and sheets.

Time seemed to pass so slowly once I was ready for surgery. I held my breath as I waited for your father to come sit next to my head; he stroked my hair and kissed me gently, excitement growing on his own face. I couldn't help but wonder what your brother was up to; he surely had no idea what his parents were doing. But the thought quickly passed and my attention was back on you. It was time.

It seemed to take forever, although I know it wasn't really that long. I ached to meet you, but the doctors near my feet were treating this like break time around the water cooler, chit-chatting about vacations and their own children, occasionally slipping in an order to a nurse or noting some portion of my anatomy. Your father stood up to watch as the doctor finally pulled you from my womb. I thought I knew what to expect. It would take a moment, and then you would start to cry.

You were the loudest little baby I've ever heard. Much louder than your brother. Instantly, you announced yourself to the world.

When they brought you to me, I was shocked. At your size, at my instant and total love, at your booming baby voice echoing through the operating room. You were big, loud, and beautiful.

And absolutely nothing like I expected.

You and your brother are so different, but so equally amazing. You have a huge heart and a mischievous mind, and your booming voice is still a notable attribute.

I love you, little Jacob. Happy birthday, Little One.